Losing Religion, Finding God
I have been wrestling with whether I want to share this information because of the conversations that will follow. But if I’m going to be authentic then I need to go ahead and get this out the way so we can move on. A couple years ago, I wrote an anonymous blog post on UnfitChirstian highlighting why I’m not Christian. I feel led to share this here and now because of the increasing number of black women who have yet to feel God’s spirit in a space where they understand God primarily exists. I did not want my mom to know because according to her, she “raised me right.” But if I’m being honest, organized religion, for me, has always felt wrong.
No matter how many alter calls and sacraments, I never could connect to God inside religion. I grew up in the church and I have always had questions and felt a pull to something that transcended Christianity. I went to seminary because I wanted to learn about God for myself. I walked away with more questions about the faith but with a certainty about my spiritual identity. Christianity nor any other religion have a monopoly on God’s being nor God’s power. I believe that we limit God’s power by confining God’s existence to a particular set of rules and I most certainly do not believe the bible is infallible. Attending seminary granted me the opportunity to learn the bible in context and that was the best thing I could have done for myself spiritually.
I haven’t considered myself a Christian for at least three years. I don’t doubt the existence of God, I just do not ascribe to any particular religion. And it’s not that I don’t believe in Jesus, I just don’t believe that the only way to God is through Jesus. I don’t think Christianity is the end all be all and I honestly believe that when we die, we go back to God because we all come from God. I have not been hurt by the church, I just do not fit in there nor do I want to. Since I am not Christian, you probably want to know how I identify. I don’t know that I wish to be labeled anything, but I know that I no longer wish to be labeled Christian. But we humans love labels so, I’m agnostic. More specifically, I’m an agnostic theist (define).
By no means am I condemning Christianity but simply want to raise the question, “why do you believe what you believe?” If you’re questioning and curious, honor that; wrestle with it. Ask questions! Don’t believe the hype that you can’t question God. Aren’t relationships about dialogue?